In no way do I claim to be a relationship expert, therapist, or have all the answers, because I don’t. But what I do have is simple advice stemming from years of listening to tales of “girl loves the boy, boy does wrong by the girl”. I’ve been on the wronged end before, but thankfully not for long, because I wised up ages ago, and am happily married for 9 years.
Let's get to the meat! This simple advice can be compared to a day of shopping. If you’re out looking for an outfit and trying on clothes; if you put something on and it doesn’t fit or you don’t like it, do you buy it anyway? No! You wouldn’t waste your money on buying clothes that are unflattering, not the right fit, or you don’t like. So why waste your time, and your valuable self on relationships that are not the right fit. That is the best analogy that I can think of to allow you to understand the choice you have with waiting for the right relationship, much like you would with not selecting a bad wardrobe.
Now, let's break it down a little. For those of you that think it's preposterous to compare dating with shopping, its actually quite similar. If you try something on and don’t like it, you don’t buy it, you keep looking. You wouldn’t dare waste your hard earned money on something you would never wear right? Same approach you should take with dating. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “I knew he was …..Insert one hundred bad adjectives. But, I thought he would change”. Newsflash, people don’t just miraculously change! What you see is what you get, take it for face value.
If you try on a shoe that’s too small, you don’t buy it, you look for a different size. You know the size of your foot is not changing. So why does it take 6 months, a year, even years to realize you’ve been in a dead end relationship too long. As you are dating, people generally put their best foot forward. If you are receiving indicators early on, or even discerning that the relationship won’t be best suited for you. It’s okay to end it. Just because that person isn't good for you as a mate, they could be better suited as a friend.
When you realize during dating, you’ve met someone that is not the right fit. Don’t ignore the signs. Much like you wouldn’t during shopping. Sometimes you know right away, sometimes it takes a little longer, like the times you’ve purchased something then a week later, you take it back, like nahhh , I don’t like how my legs look in the dress. I encourage you to consider the same way in a relationship. It's okay to be alone while waiting for the best person to find you.
Here are some advantages of waiting:
* Renewed sense of self love
*Rrealizing the best for you will be an effortless relationship worth waiting for
*You tend to attrach what you project
No relationship is perfect; you just have two people that are perfect for each other. In a relationship you should be paired with someone that loves you, values you, respects you, and adds value to your life. My choice would be a person that reverences God, therefore holding themselves accountable to be a good man and a man of valor. Before I got married, I was in a dead-end relationship, and I knew it, just like you do. If the relationship is draining, meaning constant arguing, lack of trust, lopsided with one person being ambitious, the motivator, the encourager, holder of accountability, ( You get the picture). If all or some of those apply to you, you are in a dead end relationship. Abort mission and get out!
When I ended my dead-end relationship, I accepted a position in a new city and was in no hurry to get into a new relationship. I told myself, the next time I date, I don’t want to waste my time because I value myself, and I love myself, I have a lot to offer. I actually enjoyed being single and fine tuning myself, and I truly believed the next person I dated would love to be around me too, because who wouldn't right? I wrote a list with of the qualities I wanted in a mate, and every so often I would look at my list to remind myself to not settle. Most importantly, I prayed, because nothing is too big or small. I knew I was honoring God with not asking for something I wasn’t willing to wait on. Another NEWSFLASH! You cannot desire something then settle by wasting time on the opposite. Example, why pray for a guy with no kids, but you are dating a guy with 3 baby mothers (This is only an example, nothing wrong with being an awesome step parent). More importanly, I knew that God would allow the right person to find me. It's okay to wait for what you want, don’t be afraid to love yourself, because when you do, it's noticeable, it's infectious, and you are the best example of how you deserve to be treated.
I can go on and on, and I will in part II of this LOVING YOURSELF TO LOVE series. Remember, dating is much like shopping, don’t make an investment in a person that is not the right fit, keep it moving until you find your perfect match!
Relationships are so important and help build the essence of who we are. When you build and mend relationships, you are building your character as well. Colossians 3:23 "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men."